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China Institutes New Terms on Olympic Media


Beijing, China: The countdown to the 2008 Summer Olympic Games has begun as athletes have started to filter into The People’s Republic of Olympic Villages. So far activities have been splendid. The medals for the paralympic games have made it to their designated deposit boxes. Air has become cleaner thanks to driving and vehicle restrictions for the past few months.

olympicvilla   The true test that has been on everyone’s minds has been media relations. We now know that China is holding its end of that bargain too.

“Our media facilities are impeccable in the Olympic Village. We have over 8,000 employees working to accommodate all media personnel. The village has beautiful condos, restaurants, supermarkets, and a fantastic telecommunications infrastructure. It is so well developed we see no reason why anyone from the media will have to leave the Olympic Village,” stated public relation assistant Zhang Yu.

It’s a good thing they won’t have to leave the Olympic Village, as it is closed off by military checkpoints, which will only allow a few international visitors out of the Olympic Village at a time, and without “any sort of video, audio, photographic, or pornographic equipment.” This includes all cellular and wireless gadgetry.

“We want people to come out and experience Beijing, but we need to protect these people. It is easier to protect them from harm if they do not have any of those fancy cameras. with all the people in the city, something may get broken,” Zhang explained.

When asked if these visitation terms violated Olympic regulations, Zhang replied, “Oh no, we do it to protect the international people. They are here to communicate the Olympic Games to their countries, so we will let them do that.”

Another term brought to light was the use of a four-hour delay on all media coverage, to allow ample time for Chinese officials to review tape. This was explained as a “precautionary measure to protect the Chinese people from embarrassment.” What this means is unclear, but Zhang was overheard speaking to an aide, explaining how to alter video footage of the men’s volleyball event in order to show the Chinese team winning the gold.

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Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).