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NIKE to Sue NBA for Not Rigging Playoffs


Cleveland, OH: This weekend, juggernaut sportswear company NIKE™ began proceedings to file lawsuits against the National Basketball Association, referees, players, coaches, fans, and mascots involved in the Eastern Conference Finals upset between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Orlando Magic, 4-2.

lebron_smiley   The lawsuit comes due to Nike’s belief that the NBA Finals would feature a Kobe and the Lakers vs. LeBron and the Cavs stand-off. Incessant Nike commercials have portrayed the two basketball stars as muppets ready to entertain this coming week.

Unfortunately, Dwight Howard never received his memo to throw the series. Neither did the rest of the Orlando Magic, nor the referees during the game. It is believed that those memos were accidentally given to every player on the Cavs except for LeBron James.

It’s disgraceful how this game came down to actual game play and defense. What’s this world coming to when you can’t buy a sports series or two?” stated CEO Ronald Matthewson. “It’s not like we were buying the Finals…just into it.”

The NBA isn’t the only target for Nike’s anger. The “Professional Golf Association” has been targeted ever since Tiger Woods stopped winning competitions. Just this weekend, the “Association of Tennis Professionals” has come under fire due to Rafael Nadal losing in the fourth round of the French Open.

“What’s next, Michael Phelps drowns in a reflecting pool?” speculated Matthewson.

About Author

Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).