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NIKE Supplies New Shoes to Michael Vick


nike_vickPhiladelphia, PA: After playing in his first NFL game in over two and a half years, Michael Vick took his first steps towards what every professional athlete hopes to achieve: a full endorsement deal.


Sportswear giant NIKE™ has offered to supply Michael Vick with footwear to play in during football games. Due to Vick’s arrest on dog-fighting charges, NIKE™ has been quick to address the fact that this is not an endorsement deal.

“We aren’t paying Michael Vick to wear our shoes. If we did that, every animal rights committee would be up our asses. No way are we going to work that crowd just yet,” explained Public Relations Representative Chad O’Doyle.

However, endorsement seems a probable end, even if a long time away. The sneaker/cleat line that Michael Vick has been presented to wear is an exclusive line that won’t even be available in stores. Except for the laces, the entire shoe is made of recycled newspaper.

“We needed to come up with a material that would shut all these hippies and activists up, and show that Michael truly regrets his actions in relation to dog-fighting. So, we used recycled newspaper, so no-one can say we killed anything, not even a damn tree,” Mr. O’Doyle elaborated.

About Author

Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).