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New York Jets Casted into Gilligan’s Island Remake


New York, NY: Love them or hate them, there is no denying that the New York Jets are always entertaining. While their game play may have more lows than highs, such as not winning a Super Bowl since the 1968 season, their entertainment value rests more so on their demeanor, and what happens when they’re not playing football.

One of the more long-standing jokes has been how the Jets have been regarded as a tenant team. For the past 25 years the New York Jets have been playing at the home of the New York Giants, Giants Stadium, which is actually located in New Jersey. This move was made because the New York Mets had first rights to the field after the 1978 season, and forced the New York Jets to play their home games away if the Mets and Jets had a scheduling conflict.

While the Jets, for the most part, generally had an above average defense (see New York Sack Exchange, Gang Green), their quarterback position has always been questionable. Throughout their history they have been blessed with big names under center such as Browning Nagle, Richard Todd, Rick Mirer, as well as prolific quarterbacks at the end of their careers such as Boomer Esiason, Neil O’Donnell, Vinny Testaverde, and Brett Favre. Luckily, the Jets were able to draft USC quarterback Mark Sanchez, who has an eerie resemblance to Joe Namath in look, although without the fur coat.

This year, lead by head coach Rex Ryan and owner Woody Johnson, the gang has fit all the humor of the past decades into one wild season. At any given moment, their quarterback can be throwing a touchdown, throwing an interception, eating a hot-dog, eating his fingernails, or learning how to slide from NY Yankees manager Joe Girardi. On defense we have a confusing reference to “Revis Island” and, in anonymity, fat jokes regarding Kris Jenkins literally swallowing the entire offensive line of his opponents.

These comical escapades have led United Artists to select key members of the New York Jets to star in a final film of Gilligan’s Island. “We had been looking for a way to close the door on this series since we had the Harlem Globetrotters in one of the Gilligan’s Island sequels,” explained PR representative Jeanine Winkley. “We don’t expect anyone to have watched the show and films in chronological order, but if you did, woah, talk about ADD.”


   The issues that Miss Winkley was relating to was that the cast of Gilligan’s Island had been rescued close to six times already, yet always end up back on the island. It is unknown if ABC’s  hit show LOST was consciously following Gilligan’s timeline.

Although rewrites may be necessary, the casting of this new Gilligan’s Island film is at least confirmed at the moment.

    • Mark Sanchez would be starring as Gilligan.
    • Rex Ryan would be, naturally, The Skipper.
    • Thomas Jones would be Thurston Howell III.
    • Offensive coordinator Brian Schottenheimer would play wife Lovey Wentworth Howell.
    • Nick Mangold would take the role of movie star Ginger Grant.
    • Darrelle Revis would play the professor, Roy Hinkley.
    • Alan Faneca would play Mary Ann Summers.

About Author

Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).