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UFC Fighter Shane Carwin Undergoes Michael Jackson Treatment

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Vancouver, British Columbia CA: In the aftermath of UFC 131, where Shane Carwin was pummeled by Junior Dos Santos and ultimately lost the fight and his nose in a 3-round decision, questions had arisen about what measures Carwin would need to take in order to completely heal well enough to fight, and breathe, again.

“Think of a watermelon. Then think of a fist-sized rock getting smashed repeatedly into that watermelon in the same spot. That’s pretty much what Junior Dos Santos did to Shane Carwin’s face,” explained plastic surgeon Dr. Henry Skoakley.

shane_carwinWhile facial destruction and reconstruction is nothing new to the world of mixed martial arts, Carwin’s situation seemed special, as most men would have had the fight called on them in the second round. The problem was deciding what reconstructive surgery would not only help Carwin breathe, but would also keep, considering he likes to get hit in the face repeatedly during his spare time.

Doctors have finally released information about how Shane Carwin will be recuperating from the battle: the Michael Jackson Treatment. With the MJ Treatment, Dr. Skoakley would construct a detachable nose plate where Carwin’s mashed nose used to be, in order to switch noses for different uses.

“The nose selection is quite a range,” explained Dr. Skoakley. “Shane will be able to use a nicely bridged and flared nose for when he is drinking fine wines, for example. Or he can wear the skin-bump for when he is being punched in the face. With the nose plate, the risk of excessive damage to the skull is minimal. It couldn’t have gotten any worse, right?”

Part of the procedure of the MJ Treatment will have Carwin lying in a hyperbaric chamber every night, in order to acclimate the fighter to some sort of vanity so that he will be able to select his noses with little help. Some believe that these vanity training procedures had already begun when he had dropped 20 pounds for the fight. Others have pointed to the vanity training as the reason Shane had not revealed post-fight pictures on his blog or Twitter page.

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Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).