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Horse Calm and Collected After Belmont Stakes Scratch


Mr. Ed 455038Belmont, NY: The hype leading up to race horse I’ll Have Another contending for the first Triple Crown title in thirty-five years came to a screeching halt today, as the horse was scratched from the Belmont Stakes due to injury.

The news had both trainers and horse-racing fans reeling at the idea that I’ll Have Another had lost the race before it even began.

“It’s kind of a cheat. We’ve been waiting for another supreme horse to come through with the Triple Crown. It helps get the attention of people who aren’t horse-racing fans,” explained horse trainer Elwyn Brock. “It’s hard enough trying to memorize all the odd names the owners give their horses. When we have a Triple Crown winner, it’s easier to remember the one name for years.”

Bookies were also dismayed at the news. “Whenever a Triple Crown contender comes around, betting jumps up 300 percent,” explained local sports forecaster Vinny DeLonna. “At least 3/4 of those bets are on the contender…so I’ve heard. Vegas is going to be crying in its gold-plated sheets tonight.”

When asked about his feelings about not being allowed to participate in the race because of the injury, I’ll Have Another explained, “*snort*, pfb-b-b-b-b-b.”

“This horse has to be reeling from the news,” Brock explained. “He’s a champion, and champions don’t take getting pulled out of the big moment very well. All he has left for him is to live on a ranch while fillies are lined up for him to mount. I don’t know of anyone that would take that news well.”

When asked what he would do during the race now that he will be on the sidelines, I’ll Have Another licked our reporter’s face, and head-nudged our cameraman into a mud-puddle. Indeed, the depression this horse must be feeling is monumental.

About Author

Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).