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LeBron James Fails to Win Championship in One Game


Miami, FL: Game 1 of the 2013 NBA Finals came and went, but the criticism echoes as fans and sports analysts continue to blame LeBron James for a lack of leadership, scoring, and all-around magic.

Tim Duncan interrupts the press conference of LeBron James.

Tim Duncan interrupts the press conference of LeBron James.

The reasoning? LeBron James did not give the Miami Heat the championship in one game.

While some may see the feat of combining a best-of-7 NBA Final series into one game as impossible, others believe this would have been the only way for LeBron James to separate himself as a better basketball player than Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan combined. Both of these players had done the seemingly impossible before: Jordan with his mathematically perverse vertical/horizontal leap, and Bryant with his ability to make basketballs and sexual assault charges disappear.

“King James doesn’t have much to claim in the impossible stunt category,” stated sports analysts Paul Emmerlan. “He could try to play and win an NBA game literally by himself, try a flying dunk from half-court, or win the NBA Championship in one game. This last one may actually be the easiest.”

While easy may not be the best word for it, it is not impossible to win the NBA Championship in one game. One team must play so brilliantly as to decimate their opponents hopes and dreams of even breaking into double digits in points, thus forfeiting the remaining games of the series.

“Considering what most sportscasters are saying about this Miami Heat team, it should have happened at least once during this year’s playoffs,” explained Emmerlan. “Somehow, the Bucks hung in there, and Chicago even won a game without Derrick Rose. All of a sudden, the Dream Team is looking pretty normal.”

Now LeBron and company will have to play at least two more games in order to break the spirits of the San Antonio Spurs, but it looks more likely that it will become a 5 or 6 game series. When asked to comment about playing against LeBron James, Spurs Power forward Tim Duncan smirked and said, “Yeah, I’ve been here with him before.”

About Author

Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).