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Minnesota Twins Present Yankees Rivera with Ash Throne


Minneapolis, MN: The latest stop on the Mariano Rivera Farewell Tour in Major League Baseball was legendary, as Ron Gardenhire and the Minnesota Twins presented the Hall of Fame-bound closer with a rocking chair of broken bats, encapsulating Rivera’s skill at wrecking bats as well as hopes with his notorious cutter.

Current and former Twins players that sacrificed their cursed wood to Rivera’s throne included Joe Mauer, Justin Morneau, and Kirby Puckett.

The chair may begin a tradition of players from around the league donating the bats Rivera has broken with his pitching. This could very well lead to an ashen throne made up of the bats of Rivera’s enemies. This would go along with the iron throne made famous by the HBO series, Game of Thrones.


“Considering how ridiculous Rivera’s Retirement Tour has been, I wouldn’t be surprised if a throne of bats was presented to Mo,” stated sports journalist Clyde Hemlock.

The New York Yankees went on to sweep the Minnesota Twins in four games, sweeping whatever good humor was left over out the door as well.

About Author

Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).