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Bulls Cautiously Attend Running of the Rex Ryan


Pamplona, SPAIN: The annual running of the bulls through the streets of Pamplona took an odd U-turn this past weekend, as the bulls were forced to survive the run with New York Jets coach Rex Ryan.

Fiesta De San Fermin Running Of The Bulls - Day 2

Rex Ryan leaves bull to find utensils.

What began as just another story about Rex Ryan getting in the limelight turned into a battle of instincts as Ryan turned the tables on the bulls, and started chasing them. What was even more alarming was that the bulls retreated.

“I never saw anything like it. One moment it looked like a bull was going to spear Rex Ryan in the ass, the next moment Ryan has a bib on with a cow picture, chasing a bull with a fork and knife in hand,” stated local American Charles Smith. “It was one of those ‘too absurdly expected to be real’ moments.”

Indeed, Rex Ryan chasing a bull would seem absurd, but sources say that Ryan had been annoyed at the quality of steak in Spain before this weekend. The running of the bulls may have been his last chance for a proper meal.

“Spanish steak is always seasoned to the point that you don’t know you’re eating steak,” explained local foodologist Stacy Harkman. “Mr Ryan was probably more used to the bland, rotten with age steaks that Americans are so fond of.”

Such an idea would make sense, as unofficial reports allude to Rex Ryan wrestling down a bull, slitting its throat, and allowing it to sit in the blazing sun for 5 hours before dragging it to a local restaurant to be grilled.

No bull was available for comment.

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Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).