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NFL Asinine Analysis 2013: Jacksonville Jaguars Preview


In the NFL, no team is perfect…except for the 1972 Miami Dolphins. Everyone knows that because everyone talks about the legend of Don Schula and friends cracking open champagne when the last undefeated team is defeated…EVERY YEAR. But that’s beside the point. Our Asinine Analysis of the NFL is here to give some teams’ fans hope, and other teams’ fans a face mask penalty back into reality.

Check out our take on other teams here.


Team: Jacksonville Jaguars

Record: 2-14. It’s a shame, really. MJD was out for most of the season, forcing fantasy football players to consider which running back in New Orleans they should pick off the waiver wire, leaving Blaine Gabbert to pick up the slack with a rookie wide receiver and a couple of mobile scarecrows. It wasn’t pretty and, what was worse, the Jaguars only got an offensive tackle from the NFL Draft for all of their pain.

To add insult to injury, the NFL has taken away the Jaguars’ privilege of being the only home team in London, as Goodell and company have found the Jaguars to be a horrible draw in teaching the British the ways of American football. Apparently, the Minnesota Vikings and Pittsburgh Steelers will fare somewhat better.

The Good: Maurice Jones-Drew, provided that he can stay healthy. And under-weight. And out of jail. The positive for the Jaguars is that this is a contract year for MJD and, since they didn’t trade him, they will probably get his best even if his foot fracture runs up his spine to his skull. A lot of money is on the line.

The Bad: A gimpy running back coming off of a foot injury (you know, the part of the body that gets the most impact when running) is your best player. Your second best player, Justin Blackmon, will serve a 4-game suspension to start the season for violating the NFL’s substance abuse policy. Your 3rd best player is kicker Josh Scobee. Your 4th? Maybe Blaine Gabbert, but that’s debatable.

The Ugly: The Jaguars front office, notably president Mark Lamping, is guaranteeing that there will be no blackouts for Jacksonville home games.

“First, there won’t be any blackouts. We can put that aside. Our goal last year was not to buy any tickets. That’s our goal this year and we’re going to do everything we possibly can to achieve that,” stated Lamping.

Whether that means that the Jaguars will tarp off the entire upper section of EverBank Field remains to be seen.

Houston Texans vs Jacksonville Jaguars - November 12, 2006

As of now tickets are, at the lowest, $51.00, but you can be sure that they will be slashed in half by the time their game against the Arizona Cardinals rolls around.

jaguars_newlogoIf that isn’t enough, the Jaguars have decided to give their logo a more feminine approach, which leads many to believe that the Jags will soon be ousted out of the stadium in favor of an LFL team.

The Fans: It must be hell to be a legitimate Jaguars fan, if there even is such a thing. Before the expansion team was created in 1995, people in Jacksonville had so many choices: the Atlanta Falcons; the Tampa Bay Buccaneers; the Miami Dolphins. If you jumped ship from any of these teams, things seemed pretty good. The Jaguars followed up their debut 4-12 season with a line of playoff appearances.

Then things just fell apart, like the entire city of Jacksonville.

Fun Fact: Jaguars owner Sahid Khan just bought the Fulham Football Club of the Premier League. It seems that the Jaguars move across the pond is looming closer and closer. I doubt Khan plans to move the Fulham club to Florida. Just sayin…

About Author

Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).