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NFL Asinine Analysis 2013: Washington Redskins Preview


In the NFL, no team is perfect…except for the 1972 Miami Dolphins. Everyone knows that because everyone talks about the legend of Don Schula and friends cracking open champagne when the last undefeated team is defeated…EVERY YEAR. But that’s beside the point. Our Asinine Analysis of the NFL is here to give some teams’ fans hope, and other teams’ fans a face mask penalty back into reality.

Check out our take on other teams here.


Team: Washington Redskins

Record: 10-6. It’s a respectable, division-winning record that helped the Redskins sniff the playoffs for the first time in 5 years. But if you gave a Redskins fan the choice of being 4-12 with a healthy young quarterback coming into this season or 10-6 with RG3 rolling onto the field in a wheelchair, I’m pretty sure they would go with the former.

The Good: The Washington Redskins were unanimously the best team in the NFC East. That really doesn’t say much about the talent in the NFC East, but we can’t get held up on hypotheticals, or else the Patriots may not have been the AFC East champs for the past 50 years. I know, it hasn’t been that long, but it sure feels like it sometimes.

The Redskins have kept the band together for the most part going into this year. Garcon will be lined up to get defensive backs running in the opposite direction of RG3, Morris will still be around blocking for RG3 and taking hand-offs when RG3 gets tired, and the defense will be able to stay fresh as RG3 eats up the clock on offense.

The Bad: I mentioned RG3 five times up until now. Yesterday, RG3 practiced against the starting defense for the first time since last season. If I was Mike Shanahan, I would be pissing myself, and not due to my age.

If RG3 doesn’t get back to form, this could be as disastrous as the 2011 Indianapolis Colts. That’s the risk of having all your stock invested in a prized pony that you decide to run into the ground to prove a point.

If that isn’t bad enough, 2nd string quarterback Kirk Cousins is hurt and will probably sit out for the rest of the preseason as an insurance policy.

But don’t worry. SEXY REXY IS IN THE HOUSE!




The Ugly: How fucking long has this name issue been going on with the Washington Redskins? I understand that Native Americans may find it offensive to be linked to this shitty team, but seriously, it’s only football.

Of course, the recent hillbilly stupidity of Riley Cooper of the Eagles will probably drag up some more quotes on political correctness, hypocrisy, and, if we’re lucky, a speech from the President of the United States.

The Fans: Apparently, many Redskins fans wear pig snouts in solidarity with their team. Unfortunately, I can’t tell the difference.


Fun Fact: Due to the deep red in the colors of the Washington Redskins, head coach Mike Shanahan didn’t look quite as red-faced as he usually does on the sidelines. We’ll keep an eye out this year, especially if Pat White ends up starting games.

About Author

Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).