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NFL Asinine Analysis 2013: Indianapolis Colts Preview

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In the NFL, no team is perfect…except for the 1972 Miami Dolphins. Everyone knows that because everyone talks about the legend of Don Schula and friends cracking open champagne when the last undefeated team is defeated…EVERY YEAR. But that’s beside the point. Our Asinine Analysis of the NFL is here to give some teams’ fans hope, and other teams’ fans a face mask penalty back into reality.

Check out our take on other teams here.

indianapolis_colts2013

Team: Indianapolis Colts

Record: 11-5. Peyton Who? It seems that Andrew Luck has succeeded in taking over Manning’s ability to crumble in the playoffs. Unfortunately, he didn’t do it by posting a dominant regular season in order to blow it in the AFC Championship game, so the Amish Avenger still has a lot to learn.

The Good: With 2 games against Jacksonville and Tennessee and games against Oakland, San Diego, Kansas City, and St. Louis, The Colts should have an easy time racking up 8 wins. If they figure out how to beat some real teams, they have a shot at making the playoffs again.

This was the same situation that the Colts had with Peyton Manning. The AFC South continues to be second in averaging the worst teams in the league, only second due to the AFC East.

The Bad: Reggie Wayne may be the next Marvin Harrison, but he is getting old. Wayne looked to be passing on the mantle of top Colts receiver to T.Y. Hilton, but apparently Hilton is bad enough to warrant giving Raiders flop Darrius Heyward-Bey the starting position.

andrew_luckThe Ugly: Starting quarterback Andrew Luck seems to have cast off the worst neck-warmer in NFL history, but he seems primed to take over Eli Manning’s duties of being the most clueless sounding player on the field. GOLLY GEE, MUSIC COMES OUT OF THESE THINGS!? SWEET BABY JESUS…

The Fans: The Colts have a fan base that wished their team to be as horrible as possible in order to get a high draft pick. not only that, but they packed out their home games to watch the train wreck happen week after week. I don’t know is that’s strength of willpower, or just sheer stupidity.

Fun Fact: The Colts moved from Baltimore to Indianapolis in 1984, yet stayed in the AFC East division until 2002, even after expansion teams in Jacksonville and Carolina would have allowed some maneuvering to place the Colts in the Central division. They then moved to the AFC South, even though they can be considered north. The fact that the Kansas city Chiefs are in the AFC West makes one question how well the NFL understands geography.

About Author

Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).