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Yankees Tire of New Stadium, Begin Plans for Newer Stadium

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yankee_stadiumsBronx, NY: In the spirit of Yankee pride, history, and over-all thirst to win at any cost, the New York Yankees have found themselves in a perilous position at the end of the 2013 season: fourth place in the American League East standings with a shaky chance, at best, of making the playoffs as a wildcard team.

The news came as a shock to many for a team that has missed the post-season only once in the past 17 years, but there seemed to enough reasons to make the 2013 slide almost expected. Questions about the age of all-star players like Alex Rodriguez, Derek Jeter, and Mark Teixeira have explained some of the hitting issues. Questions of the youth and mindset of pitchers such as Phil Hughes have explained away pitching issues. Injuries to Joba Chamberlain and the god-like entity of closers, Mariano Rivera, have explained issues in the bullpen.

There is, however, one other issue that the Yankees management is contemplating fixing: an out-dated stadium. The fact that, the last time the Yankees entered and won the World Series was way back in 2009, the opening year of their current stadium, can barely be seen as coincidental.

“I think it’s time to move on from history,” stated recent Yankees fan Archie Gummel. “Sure, we have some good memories of that new park, but if something isn’t working for almost three years, you have to move on to something fresher.”

Luckily, the New York Yankees bring in so much money that building a new stadium every three years, or even every year, is not that unlikely. “The payroll over the past two years could easily pay for the construction of a new, decent stadium every few years,” stated local financial analyst Stacey Brogden. “Considering the Yankees haven’t bought everyone up these past few seasons, it’s a very likely plan.”

History, however, begs to differ. “When the old Yankee Stadium was built in 1923, the Yankees won the World Series, too,” stated baseball know-it-all Steven Dryper. “Then they went a few seasons without one, but got back on track. I think the Yankees should just wait this out and see where it takes them. Wost case scenario, they go 3 years without a World Series and can revisit this in the off-season.”

Those ideas did not quell all of the hopes of those advocating the yearly stadium idea. “This new stadium has been around for almost 4 years,” stated baseball publicist Hugh Raddon. “The seats don’t even have iPhone dockets, the men’s rooms don’t have bidets, and tofu dogs and protein-infused vodkas aren’t on the menu. How do you expect professional baseball players to flourish at such an outdated home field? It’s time to upgrade…again.”

About Author

Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).