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A Noob in Fantasy Football Stage 4: Week 2


Most of what I learned about fantasy football has been from watching The League on FX. We’ll see how that holds up as I explore my first season in a fantasy football league.


Stage 4: Playing Week 2

Record: 2-0

I’ve come to the conclusion that I will win frequently in this fantasy football league, but never by an insane amount of points.

Some teams (when not playing me, thankfully) seem to rack up 240-260 points one week, and then 180-190 the next. (In case you were wondering how the hell the scoring is getting that high unless the draft was rigged, I’m a PPR league with yardage bonuses. Don’t ask, I’m not the Commish.) Me? I scored 204 and 209. I think it’s safe to say that my team is balanced. I also drafted and picked up free agents based around the bye weeks of my starters, so I look ahead 5 weeks like a grandmaster in chess.

To be honest, I suck at chess, but let’s see how I did in Week 2 of fantasy football.


None. My team is fucking awesome. You don’t mess with greatness.

To be honest, I did try to get Broncos tight end Julius Thomas off the waiver wire to plug in when Jimmy Graham has his bye week, but someone was ahead of me. Dammit. It’s the one important position I don’t have locked down for the future.

Matt Ryan (ATL): QB1

Projected Points: 73

Matt Ryan is my starting quarterback. Most teams live and die by their quarterback. They make the most points for a team, so when your wide receiver is getting more points than your QB, something’s wrong.

So what if Roddy White and Julio Jones are gimpy. Matty Ice is going to find his receivers.

Results: 90

Matty Ice did not disappoint. If I got 90 points every week from him, I’d be a happy man.

Demaryius Thomas (DEN): WR1

Projected Points: 18

Thomas was my show-pony last week, racking up the points while hanging onto the coattails of the PEyton Manning “Fuck You” tour.

I figured that, if the Ravens couldn’t stop him, the Giants would just lay down for him.

Results: 10

The Giants laid down, alright. So much so that Peyton Manning was handing the ball off to Knowshon Moreno for most of the 4th quarter. Last week you wouldn’t have even guessed the Broncos had a running back, nevermind someone they could considered “featured.”

Reggie Wayne (IND): WR2

Projected Points: 15

Old Man Wayne is supposed to be the go-to receiver for Andrew Luck and myself. Obviously, I’m going to start him. He won’t go get “Receiver of the Week” honors, but he’ll get me the points I expect.

Results: 9

Shit. The dynasty of T.Y. Hilton is finally upon us, and I don’t own him. Hopefully Reggie Wayne continues getting his scraps.

Antonio Brown (PIT): WR3

Projected Points: 15

The Steelers have to score eventually. All Ben Roethlisberger has to do is chuck it down the field to Antonio Brown, and magic happens. It’s what Big Ben has done for years. He didn’t do it last week, but I’ll try again. I’m not a quitter.

Results: 11

Well fuck me. It’s not the worst points, but it should have been at least 15 except for a bogus tripping call that erased a catch for 33 yards. Imagine that. I was actually rooting for the Steelers for the first time ever.

Jamaal Charles (KC): RB1

Projected Points: 17

Alex Smith is playing dink-and-dunk like we all knew he would on the Chiefs. That just so happens to be Jamaal Charles’ game. He can catch the damn ball.

Results: 23

OOOOOOHHHHHH YEEEEEAAAAHHHHHHH! Charles may have rushed for a whole 3 yards or whatever, but he was like a 4th receiver out there. Well, more like a running tight end while Anthony Fasano played the part of blocking fullback. I’ll leave Charles out there all DAY!

Maurice Jones-Drew (JAC): RB2

Projected Points: 14

Jones-Drew didn’t do shit last week, but against the Oakland Raiders, he’s bound to run back to his former self. This is what I tell myself to stop the tears at night.

Results: 3

Oh, MJD was doing GREAT! Until he got hurt and made me fear that my highly strategized fantasy team was going to crumble under the weight of my egotism. Well, if he’s hurt, at least I won’t have to do any soul-searching when I leave him on the bench.

Jimmy Graham (NO): TE

Projected Points: 16

Jimmy Graham was not Jimmy Graham last week. He was a spectre in the night. Of course I’m giving him a second chance.

Results: 43

BOOM. This is why Jimmy Graham is in a tier of his own. It’s like having another slot receiver.

Steven Hauschka (SEA): K

Projected Points: 8

Yaaaaaaaaay, my kicker. Granted, it may not be the best matchup against the 49ers, but he’s a kicker. Fuck it.

Results: 9

He got my points. Fuck it, he’s a kicker.

Houston (HOU): DEF/ST

Projected Points: 11

Last week, I lucked out with the Texans scoring a defensive touchdown. Ed Reed still isn’t on the field and Matt Schaub is still the quarterback, but against Tennessee, there’s no way they don’t get back to business.

Results: 7

This is the biggest pile of horseshit I’ve ever seen. The worst of it is, I’m going to stick it out because there is nothing else out there that I believe in.

How I Did


Week 2 Points: 205

Total Points: 409

Well, I won 205-187, so that’s a positive. I had won before the Monday Night Football game that had Antonio Brown (which made me consider emptying that spot so that he couldn’t lose 5 fumbles and screw me) even started.

But I also lost. Steven Jackson, who I was POSITIVELY GOING TO START IN PLACE OF MJD NEXT WEEK, got hurt and is going to be out at least 2 weeks. My running back situation is going to be a bit uncomfortable next week.

At the very least, It’s going to get me to start messing with waivers and free agents.

Coming up next, Stage 5: Week 3 tinkering, playing, and (hopefully) winning.

Stage 1: Setting Up Your Fantasy Football Team

Stage 2: The Draft! Well, Not Really…

Stage 2.1: The Official Draft

Stage 3: Playing Week 1

Stage 4: Playing Week 2

About Author

Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).