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A Noob in Fantasy Football Stage 5: Week 3


Most of what I learned about fantasy football has been from watching The League on FX. We’ll see how that holds up as I explore my first season in a fantasy football league.


Stage 5: Playing Week 3

Record: 3-0

Usually the injury bug starts rearing its head a little later, but this year I was lucky enough to have 2 running backs hit by the bug, meaning I had to use a full-fledged back-up gamble, ie Ryan Mathews. Yes, THE Ryan Mathews, the running back whose own team hates him, and never lets him get a touchdown. What am I supposed to do? Steven Jackson is hurt, probably dead, and MJD is gimpy going up against the Seattle defense.


I dropped Carson Palmer (QB-ARI) for Philip Rivers (QB-SD). No, I’m not buying into the Phoenix River bandwagon. I fully believe, when all is said and done, that Carson Palmer will have more fantasy points than Philip Rivers. However, Matt Ryan is my QB stallion, and Rivers has a much better match-up on Ryan’s bye week than Palmer.

I dropped Michael Floyd (WR-ARI) for Heath Miller (TE-PIT). Like Palmer, I fully believe in Michael Floyd, and not just because they’re both on the Cardinals. However, I needed a back-up tight-end for Jimmy Graham’s bye week, and Heath Miller was a good gamble to be healthy by that time (Week 7). After that, I could probably trade him for some fantasy goodness, or hold onto him and laugh that I have the #1 & #2 tight-ends of the league. Yeah, I’m an ass.

Matt Ryan (ATL): QB1

Projected Points: 73

Matt Ryan is my quarterback. More often than not, he’ll reach expectations and then some. So what if all of his wideouts are limping. Matty Ice will get it done.

Results: 57

Matty Ice did not get it done. I don’t expect him to win every game, but, dammit, I expect him to get at least 65 fantasy points a week. Maybe it’s an aberration. We’ll see. It’s not like there’s anything else available out there.

Demaryius Thomas (DEN): WR1

Projected Points: 15

Demaryius Thomas didn’t do that great last week. After putting up 40 points in Week 1, expectations were bound to be obliterated. Still, he’s my best option, even if Peyton Manning seems to have the entire receiving corp of this season’s Pro Bowl to feed with receptions.

Results: 19

Nothing amazing, nothing bad. Thomas was the only Broncos receiver that didn’t get a touchdown against the Raiders. He was probably as bad at “Rock Paper Scissors” as Knowson Moreno was. Thomas racked up enough catches and yards to keep me looking respectable, so I can’t cry for too long.

Reggie Wayne (IND): WR2

Projected Points: 15

I was looking at Antonio Brown on my bench, wondering how big of a spanking Pittsburgh offensive coordinator Todd Haley was going to put on him for complaining about how many looks he gets. Add that to the fact that Heath Miller probably wouldn’t play every down and you have my reasoning for playing Reggie Wayne against San Francisco’s defense, even with a drunken linebacker in Aldon Smith.

Results: 11

Eh. Could’ve been better. Antonio Brown caught for 1,000 yards and 10 touchdowns while sitting on my bench? SHIT. Damn right, it could have been better.

James Jones (GB): WR3

Projected Points: 12

I wasn’t too sure about James Jones at the beginning of the season. Aaron Rodgers is like Peyton Manning in one regard (well, 2 if you count Super Bowl rings): he’s got a lot of mouths to feed in his receiving corps, and his nipples aren’t quite as strong as Peyton’s. Luckily, I didn’t start him Week 1 when he had a doughnut. Unluckily, I didn’t start him Week 2 when he had a billion points. How lucky am I this week when I actually start him?

Results: 13

Not really lucky, not really unlucky. Just sort of, “Meh.” Well, this is the team I created: a lot of “Meh” with very few moments of pride or shame.

Jamaal Charles (KC): RB1

Projected Points: 20

Fuck it. Jamaal Charles is my pony. I’d start him against 5 defenses as long as Alex Smith is dinking-and-dunking to that sweet, fat-guy-walking trombone music.



Results: 30

Fuck. Yeah. People laughed when I passed up C.J. Spiller for Charles. Who’s laughing now?

Ryan Mathews (SD): RB2

Projected Points: 10

Yup, it’s time to go to the bench with Steven Jackson injured and Maurice Jones-Drew suspect. Right now, it’s either Mathews or my “in case Arian Foster breaks down” running back, Ben Tate. Ugh. Mathews wins.

Results: 5

Ugh. Mathews sucks.

Jimmy Graham (NO): TE

Projected Points: 18

Yeah, I think I’ll just leave Jimmy Graham in the tight-end slot. He’s projected to get 0 points in his bye week, which means he’ll probably get 20 points just because he’s Jimmy Graham.

Results: 44

Like I said above. This is why I drafted Jimmy Graham #2.

Steven Hauschka (SEA): K

Projected Points: 9

I said it last week, and I’ll say it again. Fuck it. He’s a kicker. He may even give me some more, considering Seattle is going up against Jacksonville.

Results: 9

Fuck it. He’s a kicker.

Houston (HOU): DEF/ST

Projected Points: 7

The Texans are killing me. I thought I grabbed a defensive gem early. This was supposed to be the move that locked down my wins. Instead, they’ve been getting real close to costing me because they can’t stop anyone from scoring. I blame Matt Schaub, but the Houston defense takes the bath at the end of the day.

Results: 2

Gee thanks, Houston. I thought it couldn’t get any worse, but it did. If it wasn’t for the sacks, I would have actually lost points.

How I Did


Week 3 Points: 190

Total Points: 599

I won handily 190-151, but only because my opponent’s team was just as banged up as mine. Even more so, since that team had Jermichael Finley, who suffered a concussion during the coin-toss.

I finally had the most fantasy points for the week, but still, does that mean I did that well, or did the rest of the league do that poorly? Was this “show-off our underestimated teammates” week in the NFL?

Whatever. I survived 3-0 leading into the first bye week. I may not want to masturbate to my lineup like Rodney Ruxin, but it’s decent. And I have some moves left, trust me.

Coming up next, Stage 6: Week 4 tinkering, playing, and (hopefully) winning.

Stage 1: Setting Up Your Fantasy Football Team

Stage 2: The Draft! Well, Not Really…

Stage 2.1: The Official Draft

Stage 3: Playing Week 1

Stage 4: Playing Week 2

Stage 5: Playing Week 3

About Author

Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).