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Mike Napoli Says “The Beard is Coming Back to Boston.” Brian Wilson Still in LA

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Boston, MA: “The beard is coming back to Boston!” tweeted Red Sox first baseman Mike Napoli last night, following the agreement on a two-year, $32 million deal.

Unfortunately for Red Sox fans, the beard was never in Boston to begin with.

The true Beard, also known as Brian Wilson, former closer for the San Francisco Giants, is actually in Los Angeles after agreeing to terms on a $10 million, one-year contract with the Dodgers earlier in the week.

While Mike Napoli’s beard may be glorious, and made even more glorious by the fact that he has yet to shave it, he is still about 3 years behind Brian Wilson, who began growing his beard during the giants’ playoff run in 2010 and has shown no signs of stopping. The beard has become so large, in fact, that the pitcher had begun  banding it at the end in order to keep the beard from overtaking his entire face when pitching. ZZ Top would be proud of.

Still, Mike Napoli’s allegation that The Beard is coming back to Boston raises the question: Does anyone in Red Sox Nation know what is going on outside of Red Sox Nation? We can only hope so, or there may become Red Sox clones of all our favorite stars: Clay Buchholz may be nicknamed The Freak; Shane Victorino may be given the name Megatron; Jon Lester may eve be crowned as Dr. J.

About Author

Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).