It’s fantasy football draft month, and you know what that means: countless ranking sheets that make you so dizzy that you end up drafting Chad Johnson in the 6th round. Don’t be embarrassed, we’ve all been there. Granted, I’ve only been there when testing out what retired players are still available so I can troll mock drafts, but still, been there.
But don’t worry. I have, right here, the definitive rankings that will guarantee that you at least beat me in fantasy football. Whether or not that translates into beating anyone else is up for debate. This is Asinine Analysis.
We begin our rankings with the position that is usually drafted dead last: kicker.
Captain Obvious: Matt Prater, Denver Broncos
When a team has Peyton Manning as quarterback, there is going to be a lot of scoring. When there is a lot of scoring, there are a lot of extra points. When there are a lot of extra points, a kicker gets a lot of points in fantasy football.
It’s a basic formula when ranking a kicker for fantasy football, which is part of the reason that Matt Prater is our #1 kicker. When you factor in that Denver is so high (both above sea level and legally high) that a kicker like Sebastian Janikowski could probably make a field goal from his own 10 yard line due to the thin air, Prater’s value goes up even further.
Oh, and he broke the record for longest field goal last season with a 64-yarder at Sports Authority Field, aka Mile High Stadium.
Better Than Oscar Pistorius: Whoever Wins the Tennessee Titans Kicker Sweepstakes
Ranked so low that you probably won’t even bother drafting is the kicker for the Tennessee Titans. Who is that? Who knows at this point? Who cares at this point? I know that doesn’t count as an actual selection, but it really doesn’t matter.
After letting Rob Bironas go due to salary cap issues and the idea that they don’t need to spend much on a kicker when they probably won’t get very close to field goal range anyway, the Titans are having a kicker competition between Maikon Bonani, who couldn’t unseat Rob Bironas last year, undrafted rookie Travis Coons, and this dirty-ass shoe.
Currently the shoe is in the lead, no matter what Titans coach Ken Whisenhunt says.
Remember the Name: Nate Freese, Detroit Lions
While the comparisons between Detroit Lions rookie kicker Nate Freese and Baltimore’s Justin Tucker are anything but interesting because, seriously, they’re kickers. They’re the smallest players on the field, they have the least amount of playing time, and they are expected to be point machines.
But for the sake of fantasy football rankings, there are some reasons that the unknown Freese will be better than expected. For one, the offense-heavy Lions should give Freese a pile of attempts, both in extra points and “just couldn’t get it into the end-zone” field goals. It should also be noted that Freese comes from Boston College, so he won’t be afraid of that weird white stuff that constantly falls in other NFC North cities whose stadiums are not in a dome.
Have questions about kicker rankings? Seriously? Or just want to tell me how ridiculous my rankings are, or that I started with kickers in the first place? Go ahead and comment, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
|Fantasy Football Rankings 2014|