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Asinine Analysis Fantasy Football Wide Receiver Rankings 2014

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It’s fantasy football draft month, and you know what that means: countless ranking sheets that make you so dizzy that you end up drafting Chad Johnson in the 6th round. Don’t be embarrassed, we’ve all been there. Granted, I’ve only been there when testing out what retired players are still available so I can troll mock drafts, but still, been there.

But don’t worry. I have, right here, the definitive rankings that will guarantee that you at least beat me in fantasy football. Whether or not that translates into beating anyone else is up for debate. This is Asinine Analysis.

We continue our rankings with one of the moneymakers of the draft: wide receiver.

Captain Obvious: Calvin Johnson, Detroit Lions

Fantasy_WR_Preview

It is believed that Calvin Johnson has finally drained all of the junk out of his bum knee, and will be back to the form that got him his own sneakers and Transformer.

Yeah, back to form. As if last year’s stats of 84 receptions, 1,492 yards, and 12 touchdowns wasn’t good enough. Even more ridiculous is that he only played in 14 games.

Helpless #1 Receiver: Cecil Shorts III, Jacksonville Jaguars

cecil_shorts

For the sake of argument, let’s say that Cecil Shorts III is the #1 receiver over rookie Marqise Lee. Even if you want to replace Shorts’ name with Lee’s, the fact remains the same: the Jaguars have no one to get either of them the ball.

The run game will be as sloppy as last year, leading to a lot of throwing by Henne and/or Bortles. Usually this is good news, but Shorts had 66 receptions for 777 yards and 3 touchdowns. With Lee there, that stat goes down, as if it wasn’t bad enough.

While Everyone Pays Attention to the Other Guy: Markus Wheaton, Pittsburgh Steelers

markus_wheaton

While Antonio Brown was driving defenses crazy with short 5-yard hitch passes from Ben Roethlisberger that he would run 60 yards for a touchdown, there was another wide receiver that wasn’t as flashy, but posted solid numbers for a low-end WR2 or high-end flex: Emmanuel Sanders.

Take a look at these stats: 67 receptions, 740 yards, 6 touchdowns.

Now that Sanders is slamming Big Ben while playing under Peyton Manning, those receptions have to go somewhere. Maybe tight end Heath Miller catches a few, but the guy who can slide right in and replace Sanders in catches and fantasy football placement is Markus Wheaton.

Have questions about tight end rankings? Or just want to tell me how ridiculous my rankings are? Go ahead and comment, or email me at editor@sportsjeer.com.

 

Fantasy Football Rankings 2014
Wide Receivers
Player Team Rank Bye Week
Calvin Johnson DET WR1 9
Demaryius Thomas DEN WR2 4
A.J. Green CIN WR3 4
Dez Bryant DAL WR4 11
Brandon Marshall CHI WR5 9
Julio Jones ATL WR6 9
Jordy Nelson GB WR7 9
Antonio Brown PIT WR8 12
Alshon Jeffery CHI WR9 9
Randall Cobb GB WR10 9
Larry Fitzgerald ARI WR11 4
Pierre Garcon WAS WR12 10
Vincent Jackson TB WR13 7
DeSean Jackson WAS WR14 10
Victor Cruz NYG WR15 8
Keenan Allen SD WR16 10
Andre Johnson HOU WR17 11
Jeremy Maclin PHI WR18 7
Roddy White ATL WR19 9
Wes Welker DEN WR20 4
Michael Crabtree SF WR21 8
T.Y. Hilton IND WR22 10
Percy Harvin SEA WR23 4
Torrey Smith BAL WR24 11
Golden Tate DET WR25 9
Marques Colston NO WR26 6
Julian Edelman NE WR27 10
Eric Decker NYJ WR28 11
Cordarrelle Patterson MIN WR29 10
Reggie Wayne IND WR30 10
Emmanuel Sanders DEN WR31 4
Riley Cooper PHI WR32 7
Michael Floyd ARI WR33 4
Kendall Wright TEN WR34 9
Steve Smith BAL WR35 11
Mike Wallace MIA WR36 5
Danny Amendoloa NE WR37 10
Rueben Randle NYG WR38 8
Sammy Watkins BUF WR39 9
Dwayne Bowe KC WR40 6
Kelvin Benjamin CAR WR41 12
Cecil Shorts JAC WR42 11
Terrance Williams DAL WR43 11
Anquan Boldin SF WR44 8
Andrew Hawkins CLE WR45 4
James Jones OAK WR46 5
Tavon Austin STL WR47 4
Steve Johnson SF WR48 8
Markus Wheaton PIT WR49 12
Jerricho Cotchery CAR WR50 12
Hakeem Nicks IND WR51 10
Kenny Britt STL WR52 4
DeAndre Hopkins HOU WR53 10
Mike Evans TB WR54 7
Greg Jennings MIN WR55 10
Harry Douglas ATL WR56 9
Justin Hunter TEN WR57 9
Jarrett Boykin GB WR58 9
Aaron Dobson NE WR59 10
Brandin Cooks NO WR60 6
Doug Baldwin SEA WR61 4
Denarius Moore OAK WR62 5
Brandon LaFell NE WR63 10
Kenny Stills NO WR64 6
Rod Streater OAK WR65 5
Brian Hartline MIA WR66 5
Dexter McCluster TEN WR67 9
Mike Williams BUF WR68 9
Lance Moore PIT WR69 12
Odell Beckham NYG WR70 8
Marqise Lee JAC WR71 11
Jordan Matthews PHI WR72 7
Josh Gordon CLE WR73 4
Marvin Jones CIN WR74 4
Andre Roberts WAS WR75 10
sportsjeer.com

 

About Author

Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).