It’s fantasy football draft month, and you know what that means: countless ranking sheets that make you so dizzy that you end up drafting Chad Johnson in the 6th round. Don’t be embarrassed, we’ve all been there. Granted, I’ve only been there when testing out what retired players are still available so I can troll mock drafts, but still, been there.
But don’t worry. I have, right here, the definitive rankings that will guarantee that you at least beat me in fantasy football. Whether or not that translates into beating anyone else is up for debate. This is Asinine Analysis.
We continue our rankings with the biggest playmaker in NFL games, but not so much usually in fantasy games: quarterback.
Captain Obvious: Peyton Manning, Denver Broncos
There is no arguing that Peyton Manning is in a tier of his own in fantasy football. Manning had almost 5,500 yards and 55 touchdowns spread across every game. His lowest stand scoring was 13, but that was against the Jaguars when the Broncos were ahead 14-0 at the end of the first quarter.
He may not hit those ridiculous numbers again but, unless his neck is twisted 180 degrees, he’ll be far better off than the next grouping of Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees.
Patient Zero: Whoever, Cleveland Browns
For those of you on the “OMG JOHNNY MANZIEL” bandwagon, just stop it. It doesn’t matter which ending of “polarizing” you are with Johnny Football. The fact remains, even if he steals the starting quarterback position, he has no one to throw to.
Josh Gordon is appealing his season-long suspension, which means he may play a whole three games in the end. After that, there’s Jordan Cameron, Andrew “Why?” Hawkins and Miles Austin, who may get injured in Week 1 during team introductions.
Cheap Labor: Matt Ryan, Atlanta Falcons
In my useless tests in mock drafts, I’ve been able to draft Matt Ryan in round 7 and 8 95% of the time when I have Pick #7. He was a pretty serviceable quarterback most weeks last season, mostly because he had to launch the ball because the defense was one of the worst ever.
Now Ryan has Julio Jones back, Roddy White healthy, and the Jamaal Charles-like potential of Devonta Freeman. Well worth the wait. For ME. (Geez, I hate it when fantasy football analysts say that.) Well worth the wait for EVERYONE.
Have questions about quarterback rankings? Or just want to tell me how ridiculous my rankings are? Go ahead and comment, or email me at email@example.com.
|Fantasy Football Pre-Rankings 2014|
|Robert Griffin III||WAS||QB7||10|
|Matt Cassel/Teddy Bridgewater||MIN||QB30||10|
|Chad Henne/Blake Bortles||JAC||QB31||11|
|Brian Hoyer/Johnny Manziel||CLE||QB32||4|