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Chip Kelly Releases Chip Kelly from the Eagles

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Chip Kelly in discussion with Chip Kelly during a game.

Chip Kelly in discussion with Chip Kelly during a game.

Philadelphia, PA – In a move that surprised no one, Chip Kelly, head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles, reportedly released head coach Chip Kelly on Tuesday, five days before the final game of the 2015 season.

This latest change is the culmination of a season’s worth head-scratching turnovers which included the trading away of LeSean McCoy for a broken Kiko Alonso, the trading of Brandon Boykin for a tackling dummy, the trading of the unproven Nick Foles for the even longer unproven Sam Bradford, the non-signing of Jeremy Maclin, and the signing of “Most Likely to Not Finish a Season” nominees DeMarco Murray and Ryan Matthews.

“It’s a matter of locker room cohesion,” stated the former head coach after relaying the news to himself. “This organization can’t have players or coaches who believe that they are above the team as a whole. It has been apparent this season that I have not held up to these standards, so I am releasing myself, and will begin the pursuit for a reputable replacement that will uphold the traditions of this great organization.”

Kelly was later told that his release from the Eagles meant that he no longer had complete control over roster management, including coaches.

About Author

Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).