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Sheets of Idiocy 2016: March Madness Round 2


It’s come to this. After years of beating my head against the wall filling out brackets only to have them fall into a smoldering ruin, I decided to finally say, “Screw it,” last year, and randomized my bracket selections for the NCAA Men’s Division I Basketball Tournament by playing “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” while inebriated. Hey, it beats spinning.

The sad part is, I didn’t do that bad. My regular bracket was still better last year, but this year will be different. Instead of “Pin the Tail on the Donkey,” I went to the local dog park early one morning and laid a giant bracket canvas over a portion of the area. That evening, I returned to see paw prints, tears, chewing points, and some other, obvious stains all over the bracket. By comparing the staining on each school’s name based on shades (the deeper the color, the more dogs chose that school), I surmised which school should go on to the next round, therefore filling my bracket.

This year? I have so few schools left after Round 2 that I’m running out of self-deprecating jokes.

This is what my bracket started out like.

And this is where it’s at today before the Sweet 16 begins.

Round 2: Aftermath

2016-NCAA_bracket-R2Gonzaga and Wisconsin are all that is left of the random Cinderella picks, and I don’t have either of them making it into the Elite 8. One of those spots is reserved for the school that is taking the golden trophy home, West Virginia.

Yeah, that’s how bad my bracket is falling apart. I have big red lines going through the school under the “National Champion” box. Out of the Sweet 16, I have nine schools. Coming up on the Elite 8, I already have four teams going back to classes.

At least my Final Four still has some meat. Three out of four schools with a shot. I guess it could be worse.

About Author

Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).