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Sheets of Idiocy 2016: March Madness Sweet 16


It’s come to this. After years of beating my head against the wall filling out brackets only to have them fall into a smoldering ruin, I decided to finally say, “Screw it,” last year, and randomized my bracket selections for the NCAA Men’s Division I Basketball Tournament by playing “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” while inebriated. Hey, it beats spinning.

The sad part is, I didn’t do that bad. My regular bracket was still better last year, but this year will be different. Instead of “Pin the Tail on the Donkey,” I went to the local dog park early one morning and laid a giant bracket canvas over a portion of the area. That evening I returned to see paw prints, tears, chewing points, and some other, obvious stains all over the bracket. By comparing the staining on each school’s name based on shades (the deeper the color, the more dogs chose that school), I surmised which school should go on to the next round, therefore filling my bracket.

This is what my bracket started out like.

And this is where it’s at today before the Elite Eight begins.

Sweet 16: Aftermath

2016_NCAA_Sweet16There’s still a chance that three out of four teams make it to the Final Four. Gonzaga is ill-fated to fall apart in this round or the Elite 8, so Iowa State should make it through. Villanova has been playing with fire, so I don’t really love Miami’s chances, but this is what you get when a gang of dogs fill out your bracket: decisions that you didn’t make. If it works out, lucky me. If not, the dog did it. It’s what bracketology and gambling and general were meant for. North Carolina losing to Indiana? Stranger things have happened, in this very year.

Oregon is still holding the torch as one half of my championship game, and I will ride the Ducks out until it’s over. I have to. Most people’s brackets have a total point score higher than mine’s max potential.

About Author

Patrick is a self-proclaimed NFL analyst, critic, and lampooner, but he has also been known to provide commentary on baseball, basketball, hockey, MMA, and even cricket one time when he was delirious. Patrick is also a major homer when it comes to sports teams in his home state of NY, although he reserves the majority of his mockery to those teams. His heartbreaking teams are the New York Jets (football), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Islanders (hockey), Long Island Lizards (lacrosse), and evens it all out as a fan of the New York Yankees (baseball).